Stepfamily Satisfaction & Parental Alienation Experience Survey

2010 Stepfamily Satisfaction and Suspected Parental Alienation Experience Survey.

This is absolutely the most momentous family survey being circulated. According to the National Stepfamily Resource Center website, U.S., because of a Census Bureau decision, many estimates of marriage, divorce and remarriage were derived from the 1990 Census and earlier data sources. Through this International project, as advocates for strong parent-child relationships and healthy shared-parenting, we look forward to providing the results of this study to legislators, researchers, families and educators. We desire to create more satisfying parent-child relationships through support and services awareness and to reduce the risk of child abuse and the academic neglect that is often paired with distracted parenting. The results of this survey aim to put the controversy about parental alienation to rest. Thank you for participating in the survey and for creating awareness of its purpose.

Instructions: The survey takes about 15 minutes to complete. Copy and paste into a new E-mail, then add your answers and return to:

ResearchResponse@StepfamilySystems.com.

By postal mail, send to: StepfamilySystems.com, Research Response,1101 California Avenue, Suite 100, Corona, CA 92881: Don't worry if it prints out of alignment, we are able to discern line breaks.

Survey completed by: ____ Biological parent ____ stepparent ____ unmarried partner ____ grandparent ____ other:

____ adult son ____ adult daughter (I had ___ stepfather, ___ stepmother, ___ both).

State of residence/Country:

PART 1 of 2 Satisfaction with Home Environment

1. What are the characteristics of a successful stepfamily?

2. How do you define satisfaction?

3. Have you ever or do you plan on receiving support services?

a. If no, why not?

b. If yes, what type of support services have you had (_X_), are you considering (_C_):

___ individual therapy ___ couples therapy ___ family therapy

___ stepffamily coaching ___shared-parenting consulting/assimilation management planning ___ self-help:

___ peer support through on-line chats or websites

c. Would you like a list of support service providers mailed or E-mailed to you?

I am presently:

4. Engaged – how long? 5. Married – how long? 6. We ___ did / ___ did not have premarital counseling.

7. ___ Cohabitating – how long? 8. ___ Never Married 9. ___ Widow/Widower: Yrs since death:

10. ___ Previously Married/ ___Separated:

___ Father/step ___: how many marriages? How many children? Yrs since ___divorce or ___separation:

___ Mother/step___: how many marriages? How many children? Yrs since ___divorce or ___separation:

11. Custody Arrangements ___ are / ___ are not satisfactory / fair to me. General outline of custody arrangements. (For example: every other month, plus four weeks of summer, every other Christmas and Easter in odd and even years, respectively):

11(A): What process was used for determining dissolution details including alimoney, child support and custody arrangements: ___ Litigation ___ Mediation ___ Self-help, no representation ___ Paralegal service Other:

12. My child’s other parent is: ____ remarried; ____ cohabitating; ____ dating; ____ living with family (or) ____friends; ___ incarcerated

13. My relationship with the other biological parent: 10 very cooperative to 1 very unpleasant, or 0 for parent absent for the most recent twelve months or more.

(Best - 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 - Not good) ___

14. I believe the other parent ___has / ___has not targeted ___ parent / ___ stepparent with alienating behaviors and is damaging ___ my / ___ our relationship/s with the children. (If applicable, please complete Part 2)

14. a. I believe the ___ boyfriend, ___ girlfriend, ___ stepparent is being lied to and believes they are supporting my chld's other parent.

14. b. I believe the ___ boyfriend, ___ girlfriend, ___ stepparent is the cause of our problems because:

15. My relationship with his/her new partner is: 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0

16. My new mate’s relationship with my former spouse is: 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0

A. I believe a stepparent has overstepped ___ his / ___ her boundaries by thie following behavior:

17. Communication: a. between households ___is /___ is not an issue; b. between adults and children ___is / ___ is not an issue.

18.a . ___ You experience stress during custodial transitions 18.b. ___ Your spouse shows anxiety during custodial transitions

19. ___ The children show anxiety when leaving: 19.a. ___ those at home full-time, or 19.b. ___ those changing households

20. ___ The children show anxiety when arriving: 20.a. ___ those at home full-time, or 20.b. ___ those changing households

21. Finances: ___ are / ___ not a concern. We are a ___ single- / ___ two-income household, and ___ have / ___ have not experienced

___ job loss / ___ reduced income in the most recent two years. We ___ have / ___have not lost a home to foreclosure in the last two yrs.

22. Child Support:

a. Our household ___ pays, ___ receives, ___ pays and receives ___ regularly (or) ___ irregularly. Clarification, if needed:

b. Child support payment status is: ___ current, ___ behind, ___ seldom current, ___seldom behind

c. Child support received status is: ___ current, ___ behind, ___ seldom current, ___ seldom behind

23. Education: My highest level of education: ___ High School, ___ Some College, ___ Vocational; ___ 2, ___ 4, ___ 6+ yrs degree:

Spouse’s ___ High School, ___ Some College, ___ Vocational; ___ 2, ___ 4, ___ 6+ yrs degree:

My ex ___ High School, ___ Some College, ___ Vocational; ___ 2, ___ 4, ___ 6+ yrs degree:

Ex’s new partner ___ High School, ___ Some College, ___ Vocational; ___ 2, ___ 4, ___ 6+ yrs degree:

24. Housing: Each child:

a. ___ has / ___does not have own bed here; ___ has /___ does not have own bed at other home.

b. ___ shares / ___ does not share bedroom ___ here; ___ shares / ___ does not share bedroom at other home.

c. ___ has / ___ does not have own drawers and closet space here; ___ has /___ does not have own drawers and closet space there.

d. ___ prefers to live out of own suitcase while ___ here / ___ there.

25. Boundaries: We ___ have / ___ haven’t talked about the importance of physical and emotional boundaries & sensitivities because:

26. We ___ do / ___ do not have family traditions of our own.

27. We ___ do / ___ do not worship / religious study together. Religion/denomination of faith:

28. Do you feel your child has under-performed academically due to distressed stepfamily or shared-parenting dynamics? Why?

29. Is there or has there ever been a problem with receiving your children’s report cards and attending school functions?

30. Their school ___ does / ___ does not make a good effort to keep me informed. ___They do / ___ do not return calls I make.

31. Life events and concerns most recent two years (this household = TH / other household - OH):

___ Separation from present spouse ___ Intimacy Issues ___ New litigation over child support

___ Anxiety / Depression ___ Commitment to therapy ___ New litigation over custody

___ Other major health issues ___ Resistance to therapy ___ Concerns for legal fees repayment

___ Active duty, military / ___ returned ___ Drug / ___ Alcohol Use ___ Poor grades in school

___ Out-of-marriage pregnancy/birth ___ Jail / prison, ___ returned ___ Domestic Violence

32. We do not have any difficulties with the other household. It took _____ (number) years to achieve harmonious relationships. We

believe things are working well for us today because:

Part 2 of 2, if applicable: Parental Alienation or Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome Experience

(If not applicable, please skip to bottom of the survey, "To Conclude")

Attentive parental care and respect for the child’s need to love and feel loved by the other parent and his/her family is, in this researcher’s opinion, the first step toward reducing the number of children at-risk for post-divorce academic neglect, emotional or physical abuse. “The manner in which parents resolve conflict has been determined to affect child adjustment,” reports the American Psychological Association website. Furthermore, the 1997 American Coalition for Fathers and Children Shared Parenting Tool Kit reported, “A number of general research studies consensus indicate that children adjust much more successfully in the immediate post-divorce period when a strong, positive relationship is maintained with both parents (Cowan, 1982; Hetherington, Cox & Cox, 1982; more).

The issues of deadbeat dads and wicked stepparents have overshadowed an area of equal or greater importance – the alienating parent, which early research has suggested is more frequently carried out by mothers; this study will be closely looking at this as we strive to receive a minimum of 10,000 surveys. The manipulation, programming or brainwashing of the children can be difficult to prove. Douglas Darnall, Ph.D., author of “Divorce Casualties: Protecting your Children from Parental Alienation,” defines parental alienation as any constellation of behaviors, whether conscious or unconscious, that could evoke a disturbance in the relationship between a child and the other parent.”

Our children: The other parent:

___ Parrot negative statements made by the other parent ___ Attempts to interrupt visitation / my custodial periods

___ Display nonverbal messages of fear or panic ___ Engages in whispering/finger pointing when I am present

___ Make statements they could not have possibly constructed ___ Sends Email or Calls more than weekly or without reason

___ Have difficulty showing excitement or enjoyment with me ___ Mishandles money, then tells the children I do not pay enough

___ Lied to officials regarding what goes on at our home ___ Has not forgiven me for having an affair

___ Show uncertainty about expressing or receiving affection ___ Does not tell the children when I call or give them my mail

___ Get mouthy and make threats over small disagreements ___ Does not inform me of school progress / ___ functions

___ Appear to have been recruited to keep secrets ___ Has told lies about me / my spouse to friends, family, school

___ Demonstrate an alliance with other household and refuses to make things right by correcting the stories

___ Have been caught snooping for income and other information ___ Has had boyfriend / girlfriend make harassing contact / threats

___ Makes good parent / bad parent remarks ___ Has personally made threats toward me, and ___ my partner

___ Have extreme emotional outbursts ___ Has taken excessive legal action against me

___ Are ordered to call other parent’s spouse “mommy / daddy” ___ Exaggerates / twists facts to appear victimized by me/my partner

___ Ask why I am mean to mommy / daddy ___ Had an affair, did not take responsibility and lied about facts

___ Say they do not want to see my parents anymore ___ Discourages the children from saying "I love you"

___ Tell lies to friends, family and teachers ___ Withholds the children until I meet demands

___ Children elbow/hush/guard each others words ___ Insists the kids do not call my spouse "mom/dad"

___ Cannot take a call without parent nearby ___ Insists the kids call his/her spouse "mom/dad"

___ Makes derrogatory remarks about my parents, disrupting the

grandparen/grandchild relationship

___ Expressions of love are withheld from the children

PAUSE for reflection. As you have noted what is applicable to the children and other parent's behavior, have you found any of the above also apply to your own or your current partner's behaviorial choices? Conversational research indicates there is a point reached when many target-parents tire of being alienated and they will walk away or distance themselves from parent-child relationships in frustration, or they begin to respond in-kind with similar choices out of fear of losing the respect of their children or the parent-child relationship altogether if they do not defend themselves. If any also apply to you or your spouse, please go back and place + (plus) symbol by the appropriate selections.

In your opinion, rank these in order of detriment to the overall development of children: ___ arguing parents who yell and scream but end up working together; ___ silent parents who feel walking away it is the only way of attaining peace; ___ alienating parents who strategise "underground" so that the children are unaware of the maniulation; ___ parents who find ways around paying child support

To conclude, you may add up to 250 words (please use word count and print) of information you believe would be relevant to the study. If you believe alienation has occured, do you believe it is possible for the targeted parent/s to experience restored relationships with the children once the children are grown?

___ I choose to submit anonymously, and realize because its integrity cannot be verified nor can any clarifications be made, if needed, my

Survey will be analyzed with other anonymous submissions, separate from the collective, published findings of identified group.

___ I realize confidential practices are maintained among researchers. No identifying information is sold. The surveys become property of StepfamilySystems.com and only collective results of the study will publish.

___ I would like to participate in this annual study for the 15 year period. The results could benefit the children and grandchildren.

___ E-mail my surveys to:

___ Postal mail my surveys to:

___ My phone number, for verification or clarification purposes only, is: ( )

___ You may call me anytime for stepfamily-related research purposes. I understand they will be used for a dissertation project.

No identifying information will be sold under any circumstances.

without the written permission of the research survey developer, StepfamilySystems.com. Permission to copy for school-based participation

is granted; surveys must be returned exclusively to StepfamilySystems.com. Survey alterations are strictly prohibited. Terms of use and website Disclaimer on last page of StepfamilySystems.com website. Revised 01/30/2010.