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[Faith-based entry] We had several hundred people ready for the 90-days to More Lovin' Challenge, perhaps more!  While we complete program updates, try this in the meantime!
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This post is directed to Braided Families, but anyone can do it and reap huge benefits! For those who want to read a description of the Braided Family, see our Braided Families Page. As you move your mouse over the menu, you will see it pop up.
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Choose a different fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control - one each over the next nine days. Define it. Pray about it. Concentrate on it. Word search the Bible for its use. Make index cards and use sticky notes. Have fun with it. Make yours for the day! Feel it at work in you!
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Enjoy! And while you are at it, visit CafeSmom's blog for a free download of Self-Affirmation Cards. She heard one of my guest spots earlier this year - Stepmom's Tool Box with Peggy and Erin. Heather took the concept I have used to help reach 25 years of marriage and gave it beautiful face-lift! I use dingy old index cards and with her kind heart, she put in some time to provide you with this gift: http://wordpress.cafesmom.com/?p=279. Perfect example of one person seed planting, another watering and yet another seeing the fruit at harvest. Thanks, Heather! [If you have any trouble with the download, contact Heather directly]
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Enjoy working on one of those nine fruits over the next nine days. I hope to hear some great reports! ~ Tricia, Serving many for One.

You might want coffee and a pastry for this one: 
Keep in mind there are exceptions to things, so give me some wiggle room, please.
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I share from the perspective of being a stepfamily member all my life, together with years of research, and certifications in Divorce Mediation (Mosten, Los Angeles, 1998) and Philanthropy (Dr. Jim Erickson, La Sierra Univeristy's Center for Philanthropy 2009). 
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I have been asked if I am truly as optimistic and happy as I portray online. Yes, I am. The brief bio is posted on the website - I "get it" from having lived it, not only reading books or hearsay. 
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Believe me, we all make mistakes along the way in our co-parenting journeys. Many stepmoms and parents, alike, find themselves frustrated. Emotional peace for me has meant being quick to own my part in things gone wrong - I have done things with the right motive but the wrong method of application!  Owning your part and being forgiving is the best you can do. Just because you are willing to step up does not mean anyone else will; watch your expectations!
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I spent years trying to fix our dual-household relationships, but my efforts made things worse! Through conversational research and most recently through our website surveys, it was confirmed that until a hurting parent or stepparent realizes and accepts things and decides he/she is ready for change, there probably isn't going to be any true peace.
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When all the parties are willing to come to the table, lay down the bitter-hatchet, be honest and actually want peace for themselves and to restore what their bitterness has stolen from their children, that is when you can move forward in new and wonderful ways to enjoy the future years together and more fully.  
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I came to FB in 2009 to start a chat venue to facilitate stronger blended family relationships and decrease the risks of divorce faced by second and subsequent marriages. However, I found one known as ES already in the works. No need to compete, so I contribute to it and participate as a grown child of divorce, a stepchild and stepmom myself, as well as having two biological children in our unblended crew of five.
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UNblended? Yes. Not all stepfamilies blend but that does not mean the marriage has to end.
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A Family Focal Points Corner point I share with stepmoms on a regular basis is that they will fair much better in their roles when they truly see the stepmom role as a complementary one rather than a competition. Competing through unnecessary comparisons or with constant put-downs of biological mom brings everyone down.
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It doesn't mean you will ever have a breakthrough with biological mom, but you know you are doing your best. Listen to your self-talk - it influences how you feel and what you say. The words we speak with constantly impact how we feel. How we feel impacts our choices. Our choices impact ourselves and those we love. Words mean things.

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To support families of the Christian faith, I started a FB group called Braided Families Stepfamily Group on FB. Over the past couple of weeks, I have noticed some strong angst between biological and step moms in some areas oline.
Last night I tried to make a point that no mother likes to feel usurped, disrespected or negated by stepmom – especially when they might already be wrestling with guilt or shame from past mistakes. 
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Most stepmoms must wrestle with support role they fill and >>accepted<< when they said, “I do”. Unfortunately, many stepmoms, have a hard time with the title of “step”, its definition and unclear parameters; left unchecked, it can be the downfall of marriages where former spouses are blamed for the subsequent divorce. No, each adult has choices to make and attitudes they take.
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Today, I am addressing an attitude of respect – or lack of it – toward our previously married, dear husbands (DH). Since 1990, I have emphasized thought life and its emotions, and self-talk as the key to success and failure of stepfamilies. I evidence this in the Alienation series on the Q & A/Blog's older posts in Feb/March as well as in the “A Richter Blend, Stepfamily Chronicles” series.
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The Alienation series and "A Richter Blend, Stepfamily Chronicles" have wrought E-mail from men and women saying they were brought to tears, or squeezed by one emotion or another. Regarding the mind - who can capture it? YOU can and it is the key to your peace and pleasure, and enjoyment in marriage and as a blended family. Even where alienation behaviors have caused untold damage, the battle for success is won or lost in how we process life. The mind processes and the heart, the seat of our emotions, feels. Litigation works on the legal aspects of co-parenting, but healing and peace are won from the inside. That's where we are unique, set apart since 2005's experiential website launched.
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Stepmoms, specifically, I implore you to make your marriage the focus of your efforts. Not one husband have I met who did not feel disrespected when his wife has gone against his wishes - especially where his ex-wife and children are concerned. Some women step up because they are married to kind, non-confrontational men. Who knows, if you will step back long enough, he will step up where you have pushed him aside. More on this in Family Focal Points Corner.
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I urge you to put that energy into your marriage & home environment where you have control; make it the place your family enjoys creating shared family memories - a cornerstone of the ACES: Shared Parenting & Stepfamily Assimilation Mgt. Plan.
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Assimilation with us means to bring each family member into the unit.
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You can win an award for your supportive role - it is not a small thing! Long term results will be in favor of your marriage... food for thought. For more, subscribe to our Step Family Focal Points Corner. 831/2010: Trial subscriptions available with the purchase of Family Selections Menus.

~Tricia, President
Mediator, StepfamilySystems.com
Creative Director, A Richter Blend Stepfamily Chronicles
Columnist (waiting for photo upload repairs) Riverside Blended Families Examiner