Hi,

I am happy to have you follow along. It is one aspect of my efforts to reach others who could be encouraged by what I share. Let's face it, life can be difficult; at times it sends a stress box that's not chosen or delivered with a pretty bow, in fact. But with experience outlined on StepfamilyMom's Story, research and training under my belt, I also know that time brings change to everything.

Problem is we do not take time into consideration when in the midst of a problem. Too often we allow problems to serve as a wet blanket and our entire life view is skewed by the fibers of a problem area. That's normal for an immature child, perhaps, who has lost his favorite toy and says his whole life is ruined. Adults need to take more charge over their thought lives. If you haven't recognized the power of self-talk, just listen to yourself for a day, or your children. I'm right there with you, maybe just up ahead since I have been working on this area for a while now. Perhaps you are up ahead and we are all catching up. What matters is that we are moving in a forward direction.

So, this will be an honest account of stepfamily life -- my opinions, experiences, and insights gained through research and as a certified Family Mediator -- it is not legal advice or meant to replace the work of a therapist.  
 
The past 23 years have been immersed in issues related to co-parenting and in the most recent year, separation from my family-by-adoption. Names will be changed because I love my family. Using their names would be unfair, especially since we are still waiting for healing to occur. 

My wife-in-law (women connected by marriages to the same man, per the book, The Wife-in-Law Trap, by Ann Crytser), also known as my husband's ex-wife, will be Mary - a name I do like, by the way; speaking and thinking of people with positive associations is important if you are ever going to move forward. Believe me, I struggle in this area because our family is living today with the repercussions of unresolved issues.They pull back, refusing to come together. I push harder hoping I will say something that will connect the dots as to why clearing things up would be good. It is a very difficult position to be in when you know from things said and read that not everyone is living by the same information. By this and other families that have shared with me, I have learned is that not everyone wants peace, nor are they willing to do whatever hard work is necessry to achieve it. May I say, once you have done the hard work of resolving things, it is done - as long as you don't create new chaos. Families that have taken the time to face the discomfort no longer have past issues robbing them of enjoying their lives today.

Our five kids, combined, will be Oldest Daughter, Oldest Son, Middle Son, Youngest Daughter and Youngest Son.  Everything I write about former wives is not about Mary, so please make no assumptions.

In some aspects, my life settled down when I met my husband in October 1983 at the hand of organization by a mutual friend. It was the night of the day he left his home, after his first wife had filed for divorce, and he had moved in with his parents. I had recently been dealing with my past and the repercussions of car accidents with head trauma beginning to manifest in my body. Both of us were hurting and we became great friends as we navigated through our pain over late night coffee drinking in Mimi's cafe. 

I hope you will find strength and encouragement to face your challenges here. With family units so mobile and separated by miles, we all fair better when we find resources to help along the way. 

~ Tricia.